18 Kids and a Huge Vagina

14662_204

I have had an unhealthy obsession with the Duggar family for many years, since the 2004 special, “14 Children and Pregnant Again”.  I found this particularly interesting as it was around this time that i learned when you pop out a baby, you have the chance of ripping your vagina to the point were you can create one hole….a Vaginus.  14 AND pregnant again?  Odds are that this woman has a Vaginus.  Also, the father is “Jim Bob Duggar”, which is too hilarious to be true. JIM BOB + DUGGAR= cousin fucker.  It’s simple math.

Lets start at the beginning, as I’m getting ahead of myself.

Michelle Duggar started off on the pill. The pill is “99.9%” effective if you take it at the same time daily (making sure not to forget a day), although it isn’t always guaranteed.  She got pregnant.  Jim Bob and Michelle were convinced that since she got pregnant WHILE on the pill, it was gods plan for them to have a baby.  If god wants you to pro-create, he will make sure it happens with or without protection.

I want to start my Duggar series by doing a quick introduction to the whole Duggar clan (yes, they all have “J” names….for Jesus? or Jew? or John Basebow?):

JIM BOB DUGGAR

jimbob.jpg-749351

  • Born July 18,  1965
  • Former Arkansas State Legislator
  • His favorite recipe is Tater Tot Casserole
  • He uses enough hairspray daily to bust open the ozone layer like a pimple

MICHELLE DUGGAR

jimbob.jpg-749351

  • Born Sep 13, 1966
  • Stays trim between babies by being a lifetime Weight Watches member.
  • Doesn’t always wash her make-up off every night.
  • Favorite recipe is layered salad (make sure to use REAL mayonnaise)

JOSHUA DUGGAR

joshua-duggar-photo

  • Born March 3, 1988
  • Married Anna Keller on September 26, 2008
  • Wants a large family like his parents, his wife is already pregnant with girl #1
  • His favorite recipe is 3 Bean Chili, OLE!

JANA DUGGAR

jana-duggar-photo

  • Born January 12, 1990 (John-Davids twin)
  • Future goal is to become a midwife, she is used to childbirth and vaginas.
  • Favorite recipe is hash-brown casserole. (similar to her mothers hash-brown stained underpants)

JOHN-DAVID DUGGAR

john-david-duggar-photo

  • Born January 12, 1990 (Jana’s Twin)
  • Looks like a future serial killer….look at those chompers.
  • Favorite food is Chicken Spaghetti….is that like….chicken in a spaghetti shape?

JILL DUGGAR

jill-duggar-photo

  • Born May 17, 1991
  • Future goal is to become a missionary. No comment.
  • Favorite food is tacos, AY PAPI!

JESSA DUGGAR

jessa-duggar-photo

  • Born November 4, 1992.
  • Wants to become a beautician.  (she should start by working on her mother….I hope Jessa learns how to wax!)
  • Favorite food is pickles.  whore.

JINGER DUGGAR

jinger-duggar-photo

  • Born December 21, 1993
  • Often seen as the black sheep, she wears brand-name clothing and has goals other than popping out kids.  People started “Free Jinger” groups online, as they see her as the only one with potential to live a normal life.
  • Favorite food is Lasagna.

JOSEPH DUGGAR

joseph-duggar-photo

  • Born January 20, 1995
  • Is probably not listening to anything on those headphones. If he is, it’s probably the bible on tape.
  • Future goal is to become a Carpenter, just like YOU KNOW WHO!

JOSIAH DUGGAR

josiah-duggar-photo

  • Born August 28, 1996
  • That hat makes me believe he is on the “brokeback mountain” path.
  • Favorite pastime is swimming

JOY-ANNA DUGGAR

joy-anna-duggar-photo

  • Born October 28, 1997
  • Looks like she could have mental problems based on the size of her forehead.
  • Favorite food is scrambled eggs, just as scrambled as her mothers uterus.

JEDIDIAH DUGGAR

jedidiah-duggar-photo

  • Born December 30, 1998 (Jeremiah’s Twin)
  • Favorite pastime is playing with the dog, I’d play with the dog also if my only options were the other Duggars.
  • His future goal is to become a dad, at the age of 11…he should start if he wants to catch up to ma and pa.

JEREMIAH DUGGAR

jeremiah-duggar-photo

  • Born December 30, 1998 (Jedidiah’s Twin)
  • Has massive freckles that make me believe he came out of his mothers anus.
  • Favorite food is soft pretzels.

JASON DUGGAR

jason-duggar-photo

  • Born April 21, 2000
  • That smile looks like his daddy is behind him with a gun.
  • Future goal is to become a fireman……or a Chippendale’s dancer.

JAMES DUGGAR

james-duggar-photo

  • Born July 7, 2001
  • His favorite pastime is taking baths, which might be a rare occurrence in this household.
  • His favorite food is chicken stuffing.

JUSTIN DUGGAR

justin-duggar-photo

  • Born November 15, 2002
  • Favorite pastime is cleaning the playroom, they are indentured servants.
  • Favorite food is Chicken Noodle Soup

JACKSON DUGGAR

jackson-duggar-photo

  • Born May 23, 2004
  • Favorite Pastime is taking a bath, similar to brother James. I bet they put all the boys in the same tub like a sardine can. A Duggar Broth.
  • Future Goal is to become a big brother…..mission accomplished.

JOHANNA DUGGAR

johannah-duggar-photo

  • Born October 8, 2005
  • Her birth was especially exciting because it was the first time in eight years the family has had a girl.
  • Michelle did about 75 radio interviews about this birth. And the family has welcomed a steady stream of journalists, including  a three-man crew with the Korean Broadcasting System.

JENNIFER DUGGER

jennifer-duggar-photo

  • Born August 7, 2007
  • “We’d love to have more,” Michelle said, referring to baby girls. “We love the ruffles and lace.”
  • Gave birth within 30 minutes…..her vagina is like the Holland tunnel.

JORDYN GRACE DUGGAR

baby-duggar

  • Born December 18, 2008
  • Had a special birth episode on TLC
  • She needed a C-Section, her third, because the baby was lying sideways. Doing cartwheels, having a house party in the uterus.

OTHER DUGGAR CHARACTERS:

AMY DUGGAR

Amy-Jordyn-photo-2

  • She is the sassy/whore cousin.
  • Milks the Duggar fame through her website amyduggar.com, she labels herself as a TV personality as she builds her music career.  She is going to need some talent first.  Maybe she should get some fame by being the only Duggar that has 20 abortions.
  • Her bio states, ” Her music and personality will make you want to “take your shoes off and stay awhile.”  The heart felt lyrics are just straight up country, but you will also be cranking up the sound because the music will move you.

ANNA DUGGAR

joshandannaduggarwithveil

  • Wife of Joshua Duggar, got engaged at ago 20.
  • Didn’t even kiss her husband until they were legally married under the eyes of god.
  • Expecting first baby in October- Duggar grandchild #1.
  • Her and Joshua want a large family like Michelle and Jim Bob. God help us all.

DUGGAR FACTS:

  • The Duggars are conservative Baptists who endorse the Quiverfull movement. (the Quiverfull movement is a Conservative Christian way of seeing children as a blessing from god and to reject common ideals of birth control)
  • Jim Bob has worked in real estate as an agent and investor for over 25 years. The family also owns a cell phone tower.
  • Michelle’s been pregnant for over 135 months of her life.
  • Average number of months between Duggar births is 18.
  • The Duggars feed their entire brood for less than $2,000 per month.
  • Every Duggar child learns to play both violin and piano.
  • The family organizes their household chores by assigning “jurisdictions,” so everyone knows exactly what their daily responsibilities are.
  • For years Michelle said she took non-chewable prenatal vitamins, even if she wasn’t pregnant. During those periods she was most likely nursing. One day during a doctor’s appointment it would found that she had several undigested prenatal tables in her intestines.
  • The Duggars raise their children using a buddy system, in which an older sibling is assigned to a younger sibling and assists in their daily care.
  • Michelle Duggar won the “Young Mother of the Year Award” in Arkansas, which is sponsored by American Mothers Incorporated.
  • The children watch very little television and their internet usage is strictly monitored.
  • The children are home-schooled.
Tagged , , , , , , , ,

20 thoughts on “18 Kids and a Huge Vagina

  1. jOY says:

    I feel sorry for you. It must be a sad life you live to have` to

  2. Jenny Mack says:

    Wow…LMAO that is pretty much exactly what I have been saying to my friends who “just love ” the duggars all this time…that was a great read:) Very funny:)

  3. yo momma says:

    why you be hatin’ guuuuurl? it ain’t yo life to criticize. whats wrong with sex?

  4. Anna Lisa Young says:

    Wow, that sure took a lot of work to write that and only 3 replies? Must make you feel like a winner. Anyone who writes hateful things about the Duggars is an evil person. Do you think the Duggar family is an oddity? Leave that gay bastian you live in that makes up 1-3% of the population and go into the real America and “these people” are what you will find. Christians make up the largest population in the US. Gays and haters like you are outnumbered. The Duggars are the happiest family on TV, that is why they are popular. You offend yourself by doing this, it shows your ignorance, and hateful heart. Thank goodness the Duggars don’t waste their time online to see this crap. You need help.

    • samanthrax says:

      Gays? And haters like me? I didn’t even mention “gays” in my post. You are correct- I’M THE IGNORANT ONE, ASSHOLE.

      They are too busy selling themselves like prostitutes on TV to be searching wordpress.

      Also- It took a lot of time for you to write this ridiculously stupid response. I don’t think the Duggars are an oddity. But I think our society is dumbing itself down to a point where a woman with a vagina that shoots babies out like nerf guns is a fucking celebrity on “THE LEARNING CHANNEL”. All this taught me was to donate money to Arkansas for some proper sex education classes, you jackass.

  5. Nick says:

    Really funny. Excelent comments. Dont know the family but i bet they are nuts!

    Those people are not just having kids, they are reproducing to conquer the world!
    In less than a century, 1 out of 10 people on this planet will be a
    DUGGAR!!

    There will be HUMANS and DUGGARS, humanoids and duggaroids, humanity and duggarity.

    If you kill a man, its INHUMAN. If you dont prey to God before eating, its INDUGGAR etc.

    DUGGAR is also a great name for an alien species “The Duggars from planet Duggar”
    Thats it! Its an invasion!!! She doesnt have a regular uterus, she is an alien Queen
    and she has to get pregnant all the time otherwise she will die!

    Somebody call the FBI, the NASA, the pentagon, the exagon, anyone!!!!

  6. Nick says:

    Oh, and yo momma, by the way, those people dont have sex! Sex is a sin!
    I bet they read the bible loud while reproducing to bless the seed…

  7. Lisa-Marie says:

    You’re a fuckin ass hole!

  8. Rich Slaters says:

    Mr. Anthrax,

    The Duggars are indeed a very strange clan, and like yourself, I find watching their weekly antics to be absolutely enchanting. When I turn on The “Learning” Channel (TLC) and see goofy minivan-driving midgets, jabbering tattoo artists, and charlatan ghosthunters, I feel that I’m not learning anything at all- rather the opposite- I think these shows can be proven, beyond a doubt, to rot the brain. The Duggars, on the other hand, continue to be fascinating subjects to watch time and time again (although the episodes that are “little one” heavy can be kind of boring).

    Anyways, reading your “blog” (lmao) gave me a good chuckle, UNTIL you used terms to describe Cousin Amy Duggar that I’d rather not copy and paste. Amy is in fact a VERY talented young woman. She has bested others on numerous occasions. Her promiscuity is not to be questioned. She is as pure as the driven snow (I’m told).

    I know these things to be true. I watch her often. Sometimes on the TV.

    Please cease and desist from making further unfounded and unprovable accusations against Cousin Amy. And may God have mercy upon her sweet soul.

    Best Wishes,

    Rich Slaters

  9. Phil says:

    I’m surprised you didn’t include a crack about the kid that likes swimming, cuz he spent the first few hours of his life doing the butterfly stroke down his mother’s cavernous birth canal.

  10. Mia says:

    You are such a bitch. The duggars are not whores, or any of the other nasty things you said about them. I’m not even that big of a fan. I mean I watch their show, but that’s all and I can just tell you’re a B-I-T-C-H. If you don’t like them then why did you write this thing anyway? Bitch.

  11. Pami says:

    I love this family they are s blessing from God. How come we don’t see the children study at home you don’t see the mother teach them.
    When do they have time to study.
    They are always on the go when do they just sit down and just study. Why don’t the parent buy them word search puzzle books from the dollar store and have them work on them.
    Teach the younger children how to make jell-o for dinner I never see the mother teach them this. Hope they will show her teaching them this.

  12. Dan says:

    They say their homeschooling that a joke they are alway going some place. You never hear them talk about doing book reported on these books roots, Heidi, Heidi grows up, cat in the hat. Pollyanna,
    History: England history they should learn this in high school. If they can’t learn this then you should not be teaching them at home.

    Also they all should learn to play the the first song they learn to play on it should be is Jesus love me. First learn to play on a plastic one then go to a wood one. Second song should be This is the day. Third song bull frog and buttfly we must be born again.
    Also have your children learn to play t-ball this is good home schooling if you want your children to be smart and learn more. And they should have a PE also. Hope to see you teach
    these thing.

  13. Mia: You did not read the comment correctly from samanthrax. He/she or it stated: ” They are too busy selling themselves like prostitutes on TV to be searching wordpress.”
    What that means is, much like Sarah Palin, always popping up somewhere for the attention of the media. Their numerous television specials long before the series is a prime example. Samanthrax did not say they were whores, they fit into the category of what would be classified as “media whores.”

    Anna Lisa Young: bashing Gays when you know not if anyone commenting is gay or not is not a good thing. Judge not and all that.
    Yes they are an oddity. If every Christian, or any other major religion, as ALL religions are hooked on that “be fruitful and multiply thing,” basically they are all fertility cults and if every married couple had 20 kids, as the Duggars are still working on a viable 20th child having lost 2 pregnancies also, whose kids each had 20 kids and it continued that way for every generation, this world would be hyper saturated in excess humans. i.e. 1+1=2, Duggar parents, add 20 kids for their first generation, times 20, 400 by generation 2-Bob and Michell are grandparents now would have 400 grandchildren, generation 3 would have 8,000 great-grandchildren and if you go for a 5 generation portrait, the Duggar family would have great-great grandchildren 160,000. Total that up and just 1 married couple would total 168,422 people from just those 2 original people. If every married couple did this on the planet, think of the dire problems that will arise from this. I tend to no longer “believe” but if God did tell the first recognized couple on earth, even though there were other people, those were the first 1 to believe in the current God. (according to several different religions) I believe God meant for people to use their brains and know when to stop having children.Obviously this is not the case. I have studied Theology along with other numerous religions. I think common sense should rule out not what a fictional character in a book of contradictions and having been written by men and altered over 30,000 since the original written Bible was put together all by anonymous writers.

    I classify Michelle Duggar as the HUMAN XEROX MACHINE. I make no apologies for that. My parents believed in ZPG-Zero Population Growth in the 1950’s, long before it ever was a semi-common term used in the 1970’s. My brother had no children. I had 2, one died at 9 weeks, born 3 months early. I know my families carbon footprint will be microscopic compared to the Duggar clan, people like myself have less children for a reason, the Earth is our mother, respect her and take only what you need and leave the Earth better than when you found it. Some people tend to get greedy without even realizing it. Really when you look at it neutrally, this family is not unlike people who are hoarders, they just hoard children instead of materialistic things.

  14. warriorhawkwolf says:

    you forgot baby #19 Josie other comment is MIA.

  15. stupidshow says:

    My Wife has this on, I have to leave the room, complete nonsense. Jim Bob’s – AKA Mr Perfect rants about purity, and the whole production of the show is PHONY!!!! 20 Kids Really? It’s not the real world I grew up in where everything is handed to You and all is swell!!!

  16. AC says:

    Well it is December 2014 & I wonder if people still think the Duggars aren’t “Media Whores”. Jill & Jessa Duggar both got married & supposedly wanted to save their first kiss for their honeymoon only to sell photos of them kissing their husbands to the media. Jill is constantly updating the media with pregnancy photos &; I’m sure Jessa is well on her way to her first of many pregnancies to come. They both have a right to have as many babies as they can afford but let’s call a spade a
    spade….contantly selling their life photos to the media makes them “media whores” and they are no better than the Kartrashians in
    that sense.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: