Category Archives: Weird shit you can buy

“wool makes my penis itchy”

Penis Sweater:

Just in case your dick has to go outside to chop wood or shovel a driveway, you can buy a sweater for it!  Oh wait?  Is this a novelty item?  This is the kind of shit you buy as a “joke gift” then it ends up being stored in some drawer somewhere.  One day, when in the process of moving or looking for something- you will stumble upon it with a mother, girlfriend, exterminator…whatever, who will never look at you the same and not quite believe this was a funny “joke” gift afterall.  You vagina.

shlong sweater

For cold winter nights.

Reusable maxipads that look like watermellons:

What is more disgusting than being a woman at that time of the month?  In no way is this a time of my life when i say to myself “Boy, i feel like a woman!  A woman who has weird shit coming out of her vagina”.  Seriously?  I mean, yes sure…..it is a part of life that is beautiful and shit, but It really really sucks.  I wish it were socially acceptable to banish myself from society until my body decides to behave again.  Having said all that, the weird stuff that comes out of ladies is not something that I want to be reminded of.  I want to flush it or burn it or piss on it then burn it, whatever…..but I don’t want to wash it with my other clothes and find that I have hardened blood clots on my favorite henley.

Bacteria Collection Chamber.

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Weird shit you can buy.

  • A crocheted penis that literally serves no purpose. Put that shit on the table as a centerpiece during the holidays!  What a conversation starter!  Part of the description states:” funky purple details”. Even a fake penis shouldn’t have that description.

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  • An “Adult Baby” crib.  NOTHING, and i mean NOTHING scares me more than adult babies.  Grown men and women taking dumps in diapers, talking baby talk, sucking on a pacifier, wearing a onesie….gives me the willies.

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  • A vintage douche/enema.  Because it’s fun to guess where this ended up through the years?  Because they really knew how to make them in the 40s? Don’t forget to blow the dust off.

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  • A taxidermy “unicorn”.  When i was little, i never associated petting zoo animals with the wondrous unicorn.   Unicorns now remind me of steamy piles of shit and those weird smelling food pellets that cost 50 cents.

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  • A cat stroller.  “Maybe our neighbors won’t realize that it’s our cat.  Why can’t i have a real baby?  At least now i can pretend!”  Not only would you look like a total lunatic, your cat will hate you and hopefully claw you so deeply that you need stitches.  This is just as bad as a grown woman pushing a stroller with a plastic baby doll or a jarred fetus.

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Cop Rock on DVD. This song states to pain of racial profiling.  Cop Rock had an abundance of social commentary. This is really all I have to say about that, as the clip speaks for itself:

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